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Resentment The Silent Marriage Killer

Today, we’re tackling a biggie: how to dodge the resentment trap in your marriage. Remember, resentment is a silent marriage killer. So, let’s go to work.

The Resentment Rundown

Let’s talk resentment. It’s that nasty feeling that creeps in when you feel slighted or underappreciated. In a relationship, especially when you’re both juggling a fast-paced life, resentment can sneak in before you even know it’s there. It’s a silent relationship killer, slowly eroding the good vibes between you and your spouse.

Why Resentment Hits Hard

Host: So, why does resentment hit so hard? It could be anything from feeling like you’re doing more than your fair share of chores to your spouse not giving you the attention you crave after a long day. Those little things can pile up and start to weigh heavy on your heart.

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What’s something that can build up a lot of resentment in marriage: money. In the hustle of life, managing finances can feel like a dance that requires rhythm and coordination.

When one partner feels like they’re carrying the financial load solo or when there’s some secret spending going on, resentment starts to creep in. It’s like a crack in the sidewalk that you didn’t see coming.

But don’t worry—we’ve got the moves to keep you in sync. First, have an open and honest conversation about your financial goals and fears. Put everything on the table, no holding back. Next, create a budget that works for both of you, like a choreographed dance. Most importantly, have regular check-ins, like a pulse check, to make sure you’re both still grooving to the same beat.

Remember, you’re a team in the jungle of love and money. Face those financial challenges together with transparency and respect.

Check-ins

Also remember that regular check-ins in every area of the marriage is a best practice. I also want to note that check-ins are a lot like inspections. If you ever had an inspection on the job, it probably never felt great to be the one getting inspected, and most of us don’t have the experience of being the inspector. If our stuff wasn’t together, there probably was a strong temptation to hide all the non-compliant stuff in a closet so the inspector wouldn’t see. THAT’S. WHERE. THE. RESENTMENT. BREEDS. AND. GROWS. That closet is where all your issues await to foul up everything later.

These check-ins are not pass or fail like those inspections at work. They are there so you can help each other. Now isn’t the time to keep score. Keeping score probably means resentment has already set in. Trash the scoreboard.

Childhood issues

Now, let’s delve into a topic that’s often hidden in the shadows of our relationships: unresolved childhood issues. These shadows from our past can haunt our present, especially in marriage.

When one partner hasn’t dealt with their childhood baggage, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. It’s like walking through a minefield blindfolded. You never know when something might trigger an explosion of emotions.

There’s a way to navigate this tricky terrain. First, recognize that these issues exist. Shine a light on them; don’t keep them in the dark. Next, encourage your spouse, with respect, to seek healing, whether it’s through therapy, counseling, or support groups. Most importantly, be patient and understanding. Healing is a journey, not a sprint.

Remember, in the marriage dance, both partners need to be in step. By facing unresolved childhood issues together, you can move forward in harmony, leaving no room for resentment to take hold.

A Fresh Perspective

Host: The Bible has some timeless advice on this: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32) Holding onto resentment is not the way to go. Embracing kindness, compassion, and forgiveness is the ticket.

Here are some more scriptures to keep in mind. The first one might have been part of your wife’s wedding vows and should at least be familiar.

  1. Love and Patience:
  1. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV): “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
  2. Colossians 3:12-13 (NIV): “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
  1. Forgiveness:
  1. Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV): “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.'”
  1. Communication and Peace:
  1. James 1:19-20 (NIV): “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
  2. Romans 12:18 (NIV): “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
  1. Unity and Love:
  1. 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV): “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Kicking Resentment to the Curb

Host: Alright, let’s talk solutions. First up, keep Christ at the center of your marriage. Be led by the Holy Spirit. Take every every every every every issue to the Father. Next up, communication is your best friend. Having open, honest chats about what’s bugging you can stop resentment. Next, forgiveness. It’s not just a one-and-done deal; it’s a continuous journey. Also, don’t forget to show some love and appreciation. A little “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way. And if things are getting heavy, do what must be done; don’t be afraid to seek out a pastor, a counselor, or a trusted mediator. Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference.

Perspective. We hide things in the closet when we care what others think. We don’t hide things from people who don’t matter to us. Recognize how important your spouse is to you and learn to be grateful for them, whether they are currently meeting your expectations or not. Accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be. For real, you already said you did this at the altar. Why are you going back on your word now?

If both people can get to a place of acceptance and gratitude, you’ve finally made it to the same team. Note, I didn’t say happy, I just said same team. When everyone’s on the same team, these honest conversations can be productive.

What’s small to you may be big to them. That goes for positive and negative things. Doing a few chores might relieve a lot of stress for your spouse. Learn to love your spouse in the way they can best receive it.

Love in the City

Host: Keeping your relationship strong for the long term is all about being proactive. Make time for each other, pray for one another, and keep the lines of communication wide open. It’s about building a resilient love where resentment doesn’t have the fuel to grow.

Closing

I hope today’s chat helps you navigate those tricky waters of resentment and keeps your relationship on track. Keep spreading love and getting rid of resentment; the silent marriage killer.

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